And if the idea of taking a break fills you with panic, if the thought of setting things down for a few weeks or a few months calls forth the kraken of “but if I stop, I’ll never meet anyone. ” Then I invite you to take a few deep breaths and acknowledge that you’re approaching dating with a scarcity mindset. The fear of “not enough” is steering your boat, and it’s a captain that will steer you straight into the archipelago of red flags.

Scarcity mindset – the idea that there aren’t enough eligible people out there, that we have to grasp and cling and hold onto whomever we find because there won’t be another – is the bedrock of settling for bullshit. It’s how it happens. Fear is the mindkiller and the quicksand of settling.

So, if you are feeling desperately urgent, panicked, exhausted, or even just really, really tired… take a fucking break. Even if you only turn off the apps for a few days, I promise, it’ll help. That’s not how the universe works.

We’re at our best when we are well rested and revitalized. So if your emotional bandwidth is running low, take some time to recharge before venturing back out into the waves.

What’s the Point of Dating?

Okay, so if you’re in a reasonably good headspace, you’ve got some energy again, and you’re ready to set sail, here’s a not-just-rhetorical question for you: what’s the point of dating? Why are you going on dates?

If you’re thinking that’s a stupid or obvious question, if you’re saying to yourself, “duh! To find a partner!” Well, then you’re not alone. But you also might be setting yourself up for a fair bit of frustration and disappointment.

There are a lot of clear parallels between online dating and online shopping these days. The options are abundant! We can sort and filter by a wide range of features! (Fortunately or unfortunately, dating apps don’t include reviews). Continue reading “You aren’t going to miss your shot at true love by pausing Tinder for a week”